(Playing Kraftwerk – The Telephone Call.)
Warning: This is a long-wound complaint post. The only reason this is going to the Planet is because I have no method yet of disabling individual posts for syndication. Please skip, with my apologees for the noise, if you don’t want to listen to complaining. May contain nuts. May drive you nuts. Drove me nuts. Mmm, pistachio.
When I was around 11, I got my first cellphone. I was very proud. This was back when being 11 and having a cellphone was a real novelty; pagers were still being sold, and the NMT network was still running. Like many things I appreciate, I found it in a dumpster. It was ancient, even then: a Motorola MicroTAC brick, missing its antenna. I borrowed one of my grandmother’s hairpins, and voila, working phone – as long as you didn’t leave Oslo. It had a certain cyberpunk look to it, even then: I loved it.
I remember that I first bought a NetCom pay-as-you-go card; I don’t quite remember the number, but it had “283″ in it at the end, if you want to wardial. For some reason, Dad needed a SIM card so I gave him mine. So I bought myself a new one, a Telenor card, pay-as-you-go, number 91 85 95 08. I must have been around 12 at the time. And that number served me very well.
Fast-forward 6 years, to late March, 2006. I had just turned 18, and one of the first things I wanted to do was get a massively cheaper, proper subscription. I’d been procrastinating it for a bit – as I am wont to – but when a nice gentleman at the subway station told me about a nice new company called SEA Norway and their wonderful prices, I accepted. Big mistake. Here begins the saga of woe…
For a good while, I was very happy with their service – even though GPRS data never worked, I never used it anyway. Their name changed to Vitel somewhere along the way. I received a phone call from an enthusiastic salesman who told me how much cheaper Vitel’s power subscription is. It seemed very reasonable, so I went for it.
One of the arguments he gave me was that I could collect all those utilities into one bill. I told him that I couldn’t have this: Since I’m a live-alone student, my power bill is covered entirely by the city council, so I need a proper bill to hand over every month. “Sure, that’s no problem”. I check and double-check that, and I stress it. Sure, no problem. OK, deal.
Big, big mistake. They draw 2700 Kroner from my account, using the automated pay system (AvtaleGiro) that I had set up for the phone bill. 2700 Kroner (530 US Dollars) is a lot of money, especially when your monthly income, 5000 Kroner (1000 US Dollars) barely covers the necessities. So I cancel the autopay system. (I still have not received that money!)
23rd of January, my subscription is cut, since I hadn’t paid the bill. They hadn’t mailed it to me, and I’d told them I’d cut the AvtaleGiro, but I simply did not receive the bill. So I call them up in February some time and try to figure out a solution. “You didn’t pay the bill, so the subscription is closed.” -”So if I pay the bill, will you reopen it?” -”No, sorry. It is closed now.” -”So then I’ll have to transfer the number to another provider?” -”No, you can’t do that; it’s closed now.” -”You can’t refuse to transfer the number, that’s simply not legal.” -”Sure it is, the subscription’s been closed.” Urgh.
So some time in the middle of March, before The Gathering, I call NetCom up: I want to transfer my number to them, please. Sure, no problem. No, this number is registered as active in our system. All is well. We’ll make the switchover on March 28th, and you will get your SIM card in the mail: It should be in your box by then. Fantastic!
The 28th of March came and went with no great ceremony, not even a SIM card. No switchover occurred. I give them the benefit of the doubt for more than a fortnight. Some time in April, then, I get sufficiently annoyed to call them up and ask what had happened. “Oh, no, it seems Vitel is using the old transferral system”. -”OK?” -”Yes, you will have to send us a form with your signature by fax to carry this transfer out.” -”Sigh, alright. Where can I get this form?” -”I’ll email it to you.” Great. So I get the form.
May was very busy, so I didn’t get an opportunity to fill the form out, and by now I was getting fairly tired of the whole thing anyway! The thing that finally got me, however, was a bill from Vitel – on the “closed” subscription – for not only the monthly fee, but also several kroner of SMS “content services” (Read: ring tones) and GPRS data (Which never even worked even when the subscription did!)
So last Tuesday, June 3rd, I send them the damned fax. Wednesday, June 4th, I call NetCom up and ask what the status is of my subscription. “Oh, yes, this is now active with us.” -”Really?!” (I was happy in the way that only someone who’s gone 5 months without a working phone could be.) -”Sure, we’ve sent the SIM card to Bekkeveien (something).” -”…Bekkeveien? But I’ve never lived at any Bekkeveien. My last name is Bekkedal, but..” -”Alright, then that’s probably a mistake. What you can do, though, is go to a NetCom dealer and pick up a new SIM card.” -”Perfect! I’ll do that, then.” (I stress “pick up” for a reason which will later become apparent.)
Goodie. I’ll get a working phone! I was very happy as I took the tram down to Aker Brygge and looked everywhere for the damned NetCom dealer. Having finally found it, I happily stride inside and ask for a SIM card for my subscription. “Sure. That’ll be 200 Kroner.” Argh! I hadn’t brought enough money! She did say pick up. Oh well. Aker Brygge is a center of business, I’m sure there are other shops. So I ask to use one of their phones to call NetCom. Sorry, no phones you can use. Sigh. Fine. Do you know of any phone booths around?
They didn’t, but I found one anyway, finally. I deposit the necessary $1 for a local call (See, this is the problem with having a cellphone company run the phone booths!) and dial NetCom customer service. They take my number and – Sorry, that number isn’t yet active, it’s still registered to Vitel. ARGH! Fine. So what’s standing in the way? Well, Vitel can’t refuse it – (thanks, I know that already) – but the form that I was sent wasn’t the right form. The form I need to send is from Vitel to Vitel, authorizing the transfer.While I’m trying to hold a conversation with the customer support guy, some drunk guy is accusing me of stealing phones, and begins reading out loud the sponsor company names on the back of my DebConf T-shirt.
But Vitel has already told me that I cannot transfer this number, under any circumstance! They consider it closed! “Yes, but you have to talk to Vitel.” -”I have!” -”Well, we can’t really do anything…” Alright. So I hang up and I try to call Vitel. But that doesn’t work: They closed at 3 PM!. So finally tired of Netcom failing to port my number for a while, I call Telenor.
I talk to a very cheerful and helpful lady who admits to not knowing about the particulars of that situation. Fantastic! At least she isn’t going to fib it! She says that she has a vacation Thursday, but she can call me back on Friday after discussing the matter with the number transfers department. Wow! She’s actually going to confer with the relevant expertise! This is too good to be true! So she said she’d call me back Friday at 1PM with a status update. As I am writing, it is Friday at 11:01, I am anxiously awaiting the telephone call.
But now I get a funny SMS message:
From: NetCom
Message from NetCom: Your number has been ordered by another operator. We would like to remind you that violation of the commitment period will be billed to the order of 1500 kroner. For questions, call 05050.
My subscription with Vitel was made in 2006, more than the 12 months I and knowledgeable friends believe to be the maximum legal commitment period (I doubt I would have agreed to more anyway!). Besides, the text message keeps saying that it’s from NetCom. So my deduction is: It’s from NetCom, who I have registered an active subscription and are now complaining that I’ve moved the subscription I’ve opened with them (but which they have not successfully moved from Vitel), over to Telenor. I don’t think this is an unfair conclusion.
So I call NetCom customer service – which to NetComs infinite credit is a number you always can call, almost like 112 (technically it’s accomplished completely differently, but you get my point. The number is never blocked in a blocked subscription.) And they say it’s not from NetCom, even though it says it’s from NetCom.
So I’ll keep both of my readers posted on the developing situation. At least the text message indicates that something is happening with my subscription.
I just want the dialtone!